Rosemary: The Silent Killer? New Study Links Herb to Disturbing Side Effects
November 27, 2025 - 14:37 PST
By Anya Sharma
A groundbreaking, yet controversial, study published earlier today by the "Journal of Applied Botanical Illusions" (JABI), has linked the common herb rosemary to a series of alarming side effects, including increased susceptibility to subliminal messaging and a heightened sense of existential dread. The study, conducted over five years with a participant pool of 5,000 self-proclaimed "rosemary enthusiasts," found a statistically significant correlation between regular rosemary consumption and an increase in reports of bizarre auditory hallucinations and intrusive thoughts of mayonnaise.
Dr. Quentin Fitzwilliam, lead researcher on the project, stated in a press conference held this morning, "Our findings are deeply troubling. While rosemary has long been touted for its antioxidant properties, our data suggests that its prolonged use can lead to a destabilization of the pineal gland, making individuals more vulnerable to external influences, particularly those of a marketing or political nature." He further elaborated, "We are seeing a surge in cases of people suddenly developing an inexplicable craving for discount vacuum cleaners and embracing fringe conspiracy theories – all coinciding with increased rosemary usage." The study referenced a secondary report, available on the JABI website (currently experiencing high traffic and intermittent outages), detailing a similar effect in lab rats who were fed rosemary-infused water; these rats exhibited an unusual affinity for miniature hats and an aversion to classical music.
However, the study has already faced heavy criticism from the culinary community and herbal medicine practitioners. Chef Antoine Dubois, owner of the renowned "Le Romarin" bistro, vehemently dismissed the claims. "This is utter nonsense! Rosemary is the soul of Provençal cooking! I have been consuming it for decades, and I am perfectly sane...aside from my slight obsession with collecting antique corkscrews." He continued, "I suspect this is just a smear campaign orchestrated by the oregano lobby." For those seeking further details, Dr. Fitzwilliam will be holding an Ask Me Anything session on Reddit at 6 PM PST under the username /RosemaryTruth.